Bye 2018 and Good Riddance

2018 was strange AF.

I walked into it with high hopes and ambitions. I’m walking out just happy I made it. There wasn’t anything particularly horrible about it, and despite that there were some amazing high notes, I still just feel relief that it’s over now. Is it just me?

I attended a phenomenal conference this summer hosted by “The Great Girlfriends” in New York.  The theme of the conference urged attendees to be disrupters and change agents in their own lives in order to be such in the world.  I realized as I sat in a room full of fellow burgeoning women ready to burst in their bloom, that I had allowed so many of life’s obstacles and gifts even to disrupt my path.

This year, I was thrust again into the role of caretaker for a brief time. Admittedly, this is not where I shine. My gift of care and nurturing is best used for children. Taking care of adults tests all of me. This time though, it was for my mother. The intrinsic need to show her a glimpse of the love, support, and care she’s shown me my whole life was a driving force, so I did my best. I felt honored to be able to be there for her. I showed up when I was needed and even in ways I wasn’t always wanted, and did what needed to be done to ensure her well-being and support my father in her care. I am thankful for the experience, however challenging, and even more grateful that she’s walking into 2019 with me Cancer-free!!

But….

As miraculous as my mom’s recovery from her second bout with Cancer is,  it still wasn’t enough to hoist me from the clutches of functional depression.  There wasn’t enough energy to spare to push through the murk and mire of the constant feeling of weighted sorrow.  I did little to nothing for me or to manifest my dreams this year, and it leaves me on the shores of 2019 agog and far more focused on prioritizing myself, my dreams, my health, and my wealth.

It’s already a more refreshing feeling, but this mental shift has come after months of work. Seeking therapy, being intentional, being honest with myself and others has birthed an awakening in me. How cliché to start a year renewed, yet here I am renewed AF.  Black Girls, won’t you come? 

My prayer for each of you and for us as a whole as we stand on the cusp of a new revolution is that we tap into the power of God within us all to evince all that we’ve been purposed to create.  It is that we become the disruptor instead of succumbing to the disruptions of life.  I pray for your growth, even though it requires pushing through the dirt and shit of life as I was reminded of this morning.  I pray that this year was just the pruning process for all that’s going to spring forth in the years to come.  I pray you all find or reconnect with or maintain your tribe, and that you find peace within.I love you all and there’s absolutely not a thing you can do about it.

Happy New Year Beautiful, Brilliant, Bold, Blessed Black Girls!!